Success: Clarity is needed please!
Who defines success for your life? What do you see as success?
Like most people, I felt empty after having achieved the goals I have set for myself. The world saw me as successful, yet I experienced no fulfilment or joy.
When I spoke to others about this, they indicated that they could tick their list of achievements off against all the list of success indicators they though their friends and family expected from them. The list included a perfect husband/wife/partner, vacations, flashy car, house in the right neighborhood. Everything looked great on the outside but, yet they missed that spark of joy when they wake up in the morning not looking forward to the day ahead. They had lost their spunk and passion as each day dragged on like the one before.
I have been there and felt like that, I had lost my passion for life, my joy, but to the outside world, I had a good job, and I thought life, but I woke up terrified that my life would not change. On the inside, I knew that if I continued to do what I was doing, I would stay in the rut that found myself in.
Despite knowing that I needed to make a change, I felt trapped by my circumstances and could not make a change. I know that a lot of people that I talked to also did not know what steps to take, to make the change.
Well, I realized with a shock that I had no idea what I was looking at doing to change my life. I was so deep in the tunnel that I could not see the light. When friends tried to convince me that there was light at the end of the tunnel, believed that it was the proverbial train coming at me. So not trusting in myself became my norm.
To change the situation, I realized that I needed to focus on what my definition of success was to enable me to create a vision of how I wanted to see my life. My definition of success was informed by what my family expected of me and what my peers were achieving. The fiercely competitive me wanted to be the best. But this came at a prize because although I was reaching my objectives, the truth was they were not my objectives. I never felt that I was good enough.
I decided to look at all the areas of my life where I had unease or disease and listed them.
My health was a problem. Stressed, overweight and on medication for diabetes, a chronic disease, I felt more and more out of control. I was eating unhealthily; I did not exercise or even have fun. I decided that I needed to change that area as it was a foundation to build a future happy me on. I decided that success in the health area was developing healthy eating habits, more veggies and fewer carbs. And a moderate amount of sweets, cakes and fruit. I knew for me to make healthier habits stick. I would have to be realistic. Moderation and balance was the way for me.
Another area where I experienced stress was in my relationship with myself and others. I worked hard but made no time for rest and relation with friends and family. I was a workaholic and a social media addict. I started spending quality time with my kids. Started building puzzles, reading stories to my daughter and just having conversations with my daughter and my sister.
These small shifts changed my life in a big way. I suddenly connected better with myself and family. My kids experienced me as a caring mum, but also a playful and loving mum that and I looked forward to spending time with them. I felt healthier and had more energy. I had forgotten how good it felt to wake up without pain. Defining success in these two areas of my life helped me to realize that I can make changes in the rest of my life.
